inzending van ingries: female cat killed by a car in turkey

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. 
He goes to the German hell and asks, ‘What do they do here?’ He is told: ‘First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.’ 
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on.. 
He checks out the American hell, as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell. 
Then he comes to the Greek hell and finds that there is a long line of people from all nationalities waiting to get in.
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inzending van ingries - waarschuwing: geen lieve beestjes dit maal

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Did you know that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise?
Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple!

Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!

Signboard outside a prostitute’s house:
Married men not allowed.
We serve the needy, not the greedy…

Try different positions with the same woman,
instead of same position with different women.
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Bij dezen geven wij deze waarschuwing van Interpolie door aan de bezoekers van drasties in het algemeen en aan Riverside Blues trad. in het bijzonder. Pas op voor deze bekoorlijke maar doortrapte dieven. 

Interpol is warning for a gang of thieves operating in European cities. The gang is usually comprised of four members, one adult and three very cute younger ones. While the three youngsters, all appearing sweet and innocent, divert their ‘mark’ (or intended target) with a show of friendliness, the fourth — the eldest — sneaks in from behind the person’s back to expertly rifle through his or her pockets and bags for any valuables being carried.
The picture below shows how the gang operates.
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ralph and edna

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the director heard of Edna’s heroic act she recommended her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’
Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?’

Let’s face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
read on… for the word UP>> (more…)

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glatt draußen, slippery

tip 20: zorg voor voldoende vakantie


tip 21: vergeef en vergeet

Some easy tips (24) that will most definitely improve your quality of life.
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After a two year loan to the United States , Michelangelo’s David is being returned  to Italy… read on>> (more…)